The Impact of Kindness

Milton Rubenfeld

Always asking why is my mantra, so it was no different when I learned of the death of Paul Ruebens, Pee Wee Herman to many of us. The "why" for me was why was his death so jarring for me. I actually shed tears and didn't realize why at that moment. 

In the ensuing time my reflection has brought a flood of memories of a time in the 80's when my life was evolving into who I really was on the inside. Many of these memories are long ago and locked in a vault. 

After countless years of attempting to persuade my parents (grandparents) of my need to be accepted as the male I was and their (mostly my grandmother) attempts at conversion therapy, verbal ridicule, arguments that went nowhere, I shed my family ties (ultimatum that I couldn't come to their house unless I remained in permanent gender limbo and celibate, but I digress).  

Finally, after 4 long years of seeking a competent psychiatrist (yes that was and still is the gatekeeping method of absolute control) I was started on hormones in 1985 when "What Sex Am I?" (documentary by Lee Grant) was released on HBO. I spent some of my student loan money on a subscription so I could watch this first broadcast of something that was positive and about us. Trans men. I would not meet another trans man like myself for 10 years after watching this program. So, this and Phil Donahue was my first glimpse of anyone like me. I had lived this life 0-25 on my own without any support or guidance, so alone was something I was used to, but never allowed me to not be hyperaware of exposure and lack of support. A toll I still try to heal from. Anyone who knew me throughout my youth new I was not comfortable as a girl, nor believable as one. I only share this to give you an idea of the impact that awaited me. 

 

Prior to the children's version of Pee Wee's Playhouse was an HBO special from 1981 "The Pee-Wee Herman Show Live from the Sunset Strip's Roxy Theater", a very adult play version of what would transpire into Pee Wee's Playhouse on Saturday on a major network. I saw this aired prior to the Playhouse release in 1986 and was hooked. I had little glimpses of hope and being able to watch a kids show and be silly was instrumental for my actual survival. I was going through male puberty without knowing how that worked for a 25 year old.

Pee Wee's Playhouse had a large part in my joy during this difficult time. Paul Rueben made being different normal and desirable to be around. I will be forever grateful to Paul Rubenfeldt for that gift.

Yes, Paul Ruebens was actually Paul Rubenfeld(t) grandson of Jewish Polish/Austrian immigrants to NYC (1909) then to the town of Peekskill in upstate New York where Paul’s grandmother owned a Bar/Restaurant where his father and siblings worked before Paul’s father moved the family to Sarasota, Florida when Paul was young. Paul’s father Milton (Milt) worked at the restaurant/bar as well as his siblings on 699 Central Ave (1940 & 1950 census records) owned by his widowed mother Gussie, with a number of lodgers. Records show that Paul’s maternal grandparents were from Galicia, Austrian Empire (Presently, Poland). Now you know why the episode of 30 Rock where he plays an Austrian prince must have been so fun for him to do! Paul’s grandparents are buried in Peekskill, Winchester Co. NY not too far from me. If I’m ever in the area I may visit the Hebrew Cemetery where they are buried.

His father, Milt was quite the decorated hero if what is on https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/151330737/milton-rubenfeld is true. There are several genealogies of this family on-line that differ in the town in Poland//Austria that Louis Rubenfeldt and his family came, but right now I haven't the time to investigate further, maybe at a later date.

World War II Victory Medal
RAF 1942
US Army Air Force 1943-45
Israel Air Force 1948

At the age of 84.
Born in Peekskill. NY In his high school years in Peekskill, NY Milton was an Eagle Scout. He was also a lifeguard who saved lives. He went to college at both NYU and the University of New Mexico to study art. In New Mexico he hunted rattle-snakes.
He wanted to fight in World War Two before the U.S. entered the war so he joined the Royal Air Force, leaving there to join the United States Air Force when the U.S. involvement started.
In 1948 he and a small group of Americans helped establish the State of Israel and founded the nascent Israeli Air Force. Milton flew the Messerschmitt 109 as a member of the 101st. Squadron

In 1951 he fell in love and married his wife of 52 years, Judy (Rosen). They owned a Lincoln-Mercury dealership in Oneonta New York. In the basement of their house he built a stage for his son Paul and a boat for his daughter. He always disliked shoveling snow and dreamed of moving to Florida and living on the water. In 1960 he moved his family, which now included a second son, to Sarasota.
He is the father of three children-Paul, Abby and Luke. Paul is the actor better known as Pee-wee Herman. Abby is a prominent civil rights attorney and mother to his two grandchildren, Lily and Sarah.
Milton had a great sense of humor and loved to laugh and be funny. He was a very modest man who did not like to talk about his many accomplishments. In the 1980’s he was honored in Israel for his heroism and lead-ership during the very earliest beginnings of the Israeli Air Force-his plane has been preserved and is displayed outside the airport in Tel Aviv with a plaque bearing his name.
He was rarely seen without a cigar. He never took “no” for an answer and lived his life with great gusto and swagger.

The story is told that on the 2nd day of the airforce May 29,1948 Milton was shot down on his mission in 1948 the Israeli Air Force had not only been a secret to the Egyptians—it had also been a secret to Israeli citizens. Swimming ashore after parachuting out of his damaged plane , the moshavniks of Kfar Vitkin assumed that Rubenfeld was an Arab pilot. Rubenfeld knew no Hebrew, and knew very little Yiddish, so in order to convince them he was Jewish, he reportedly shouted the only thing he could remember: "Shabbos, gefilte fish! Shabbos, gefilte fish!"

So this is my heartfelt thanks, Paul Rueben! It was apparent that your life was devoted to kindness regardless of human missteps. I'm sure you have no idea how many lives you touched. Cheers!!